Silent no more

I wonder what were her thoughts as she walked hand-in-hand with her husband on that warm May evening? I wonder if her last thoughts were of her unborn baby, her beloved husband and the hope for a new life together? I hope her death came quicker than the awareness that it was her own father who cast the first brick to her head, killing her.  

The world's oppression of women, especially in heavily patriarchal cultures, is desperately calling out to us, begging us to all awaken to the oppression in our own lives and those of our sisters, mothers, grandmothers and daughters. Nothing will ever be the same again. Once you realize your soul has been in bondage, a funny thing happens.  It's suddenly not in bondage anymore. That awakening has to spread across the world, into every pocket, enclave, home and community.

The tears of billions of women in varying stages of liberation are giving birth to a new generation of feminine liberation. The voices of those weeping alone tonight all over the world - from heart break, soul loss or physical torture, silently suffering in a million different ways - are being heard at last.

This includes the more than 200 Nigerian school girls being held captive by Boko Haram. Their fate remains uncertain and who can imagine what they are suffering presently? I pray God is protecting them.

This week, when I first read about a young Pakistani woman, three months pregnant, who was stoned to death by her own father, brothers and their male accomplices, while her beloved newlywed husband stood by helplessly unable to save her, I was shocked.  I couldn't breathe.  My heart was profoundly wounded by that unbelievable cruelty. As an unbearable deep ache within me took my breath away, I felt physically sick. I quickly turned the page of the newspaper. I didn't want to know this could happen anywhere. I attempted to turn away, pretend that it wasn't true as I have so many, many times when I've read or heard about the unbelievable injustice, exploitation, use and abuse of innocent women virtually everywhere - Africa, the Middle East, Pakistan, America, even Portland. 

From sex trafficking in America to the sale of pre-pubescent girls by their families into marriages to much older men in the Middle East, it's too hard to comprehend such things can happen, much less speak up, stand up and wake everyone else to this great evil.

But, earlier today, headlines on CNN made an even more disturbing revelation unavoidable.  I read the incomprehensible. This woman's husband had killed his first wife a few years earlier so he could marry her. 

At first, I wondered if she knew that and what kind of man would do that and how could she love such a man and risk her own life to be with him. Then came the realization of the terrible tragedy of it all. Women who are caught in such a culture don't know any better. As much as they are victims, so are their oppressors. They participate, unwillingly perhaps, in the continuation of the ultimate dysfunctional culture. They accept their lower status and attempt to navigate among abusers as part of their everyday lives. This young wife, soon to be a mother, had traded one family of abusers for another.  Her husband like her own father and brothers are all victims of this hideously ugly ignorance.  Under the spell of this dark systemic evil all is lost - body and soul. Life itself will not endure this silently any longer.   

Have all their souls been silenced, numbed by fear and ignorance? I can't comprehend what causes a father to put a noose on his daughter's neck and cast bricks against her skull until the life in her is cast out.  What kind of cultural brainwashing could go against the natural loving bond of a father and daughter? In other parts of the world, fathers die everyday protecting their wives and children.That has been how it always has been.  What would allow this to happen? 

And if, as some say it has, this has happened for over a thousand years why are we only waking up to this obvious evil now?  I would suggest that we have collectively, finally, evolved to a place of absolute non-acceptance.  We cannot stand by and watch this happen as we've watched the dictator Bashar Assad torture and commit genocide against his own people in Syria, a once beautiful country long touted as an Eden, as one of the most fertile and vibrant countries in the world.  

As this long foretold, newly emerging Golden Age is calling us all to the awareness of our unity as a human race, slowly, yet virulently, it will not tolerate this kind of prejudice against women or the cruel, merciless exploitation and oppression of any who are marginalized victims. The new age will not be silent. Our tears will be heard and are being heard. If the world is silent, nonchalant, unresponsive to such cruelty, the angels of justice, those invisible hands that orchestrate life itself, will give back to those what they have given.  

"Justice is mine," they say, the Lord has declared.  And, while I don't believe in justice, it seems this Pakistani husband had his beloved wife taken from him as he had taken his first wife's life.  While that isn't justice, because justice cannot restore the lives of those two innocent women, it clearly makes one sit up and listen.

With all that in mind, I share the following that I received in my e-mail this morning.  It seems fitting, especially, given the great birth pains of the divine feminine, today. She, who has been silenced into subservience, self-exiled from her own creative life, murdered, beaten, tortured, rejected, abandoned to die at the hands of those she trusted, will not be silent any longer.  She is us as we are all one with each other.  If a woman suffers as this woman did, or as the 200 school girls, or the shakled and brutally tortured imprisoned person in one of Assad's dark prisons in Syria,  or the missing girls in America or the countless women who are sexually traded, assaulted, raped and abused everywhere, everyday - we all suffer.  

We cannot be silent anymore.  Everyone of us has to reach for our soul and speak out, dream our biggest dreams and rekindle our own souls, breakout of the closet our too long repressed  passion for our lives.  Together we are one and only as one will we rise into the full stature of our collective humanity.  

Eve has tasted the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil and she will never be silenced again.  Taste it.  It is life itself.

    

This post comes from a friend of the "Standing on the Side of Love Campaign" and contains personal and community reflections and resources about sexism, patriarchy, and sexual assault. Trigger Warning for sexual assault and violence. There is no greater agony than  bearing an untold story inside you. -Dr. Maya Angelou This past week, another tragic mass shooting occurred in Isla Vista, California. This time, the shooter released several videos and a manifesto that made clear his distaste for many people, especially, but certainly not limited to, women. In these materials, the shooter expressed his beliefs that women should be judged on their appearance and that he was owed sexual experiences from women. Also this past week, we also lost a great American hero, Dr. Maya Angelou. Assaulted as a young child, Dr. Angelou did not speak for five years, believing her words brought on the death of her perpetrator. She later found her voice and used it to raise awareness about the many times she experienced sexual violence and assault throughout her lifetime in over 30 works including autobiographies, anthologies of poetry, books for children and more. She taught countless women the importance of sharing our stories to release the guilt and shame we might otherwise internalize after experiencing sexual violence. And on a personal level, this past week I was sexually assaulted.  Shortly after the Isla Vista shootings, the #YesAllWomen Twitter hashtag sparked a nation-wide conversation on misogyny and patriarchy, and I had a burning desire to share my story. These milestones all occurring this week make it so clear to me that patriarchy still rules our society, that sexual assault and misogyny are not limited to one incident but are a ubiquitous threat, in varying levels, to all of us. The humanity of every person is threatened by this reality. I wanted to share my story both to help me heal personally, and to provide information that yes, all women, and all people of all gender identities might find useful. Immediately after the assault, friends and family pointed me to resources that have helped me profoundly. I hope all of you reading this have never experienced, and will never experience sexual assault or violence. Sadly, statistics and personal experience force us to acknowledge and bear witness to the fact that far too many women, far too many people, will have to suffer through this as well. If you, or a loved one, experience sexual assault, here are some points you may find helpful: • Ask for and accept help as you are able and willing: This might be something that is usually hard. I realized early on I needed to be honest with a close circle of people about what happened so that I could have their support. I also reached out immediately to a local rape crisis center and survivor’s advocacy network. To find information on your own local resources visit: RAINN and the National Center for Victims of Crime. • Be prepared to make difficult decisions: The circumstances of every assault are different, but in my case, like so many others, I knew my assailant. There were many things that needed to happen immediately so I could be in a safe space away from harm, and that was the most important thing I needed to focus on. You or your loved one might also be confronted with many other immediate decisions, like whether to go to a hospital to get a “rape kit” done, when to reach out to sexual assault detectives, or deciding to press charges. People will likely give you conflicting advice, something I experienced over and over. I was also told: “ultimately it is up to you to decide”, as if that would be comforting. It wasn’t. I didn’t ask to be assaulted in the first place, and it felt like I had this huge burden of making all of these deeply uncomfortable decisions that felt overwhelming. I got through it by practicing self-care while journaling to see what felt like the right things to do for me. You may find creative expression might be something that helps you as well. • Remember that ending patriarchy and misogyny will take work: Transforming the way we treat ourselves and each other will take lots of love, compassion and time. But we have to take action today to ensure that the normalization of violence against cisgender and transgender women, genderqueer and gender non-conforming people ends. For more information on transformation check out Black Feminism Lives, Against Patriarchy: 20 Tools for Men to Further the Feminist Revolution and the UUA Reproductive Justice Curriculum for Congregations. For a few days after my sexual assault happened, all I wanted to do was scream with rage. In fact, one day I had to do just that. I parked my car in an almost vacant lot, turned a warrior women song on full blast, so loud my car shook, and I screamed. I screamed until my face hurt, until I let all that rage and anger and fear out of me, so it wouldn’t stay inside and become toxic. Then I made a very conscious decision to stop screaming. I turned off the music, and sat very still. Later, I wrote some words from Dr. Angelou in my journal: You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. One thing you might consider doing is sharing this story with others in your lives, so they have access to these resources. You might also want to share your own story, perhaps anonymously like me, or with your own voice—whatever feels most comfortable and safe to you. In the words of Dr. Angelou: History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again. I ask you to join me so that collectively we can change the long history of sexual violence in our communities. Listen to the stories shared by people directly impacted by violence. Our collective future of love and liberation depends on it. Signed, #YesAllWomen PS: #YesAllWomen has acted as an important rallying call in recent days as people share stories of systemic and personal violence that is normalized. We recognize that people with many gender identities are impacted by violence. Let us begin with working for the human rights of all people to be respected.

Above photo:  https://sites.stedwards.edu/andrewkf/2014/04/30/incarnation-and-the-dignity-of-women/