Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.
- Ephesians 6: 10-18
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
- Galatians 5:22
You are all beautiful beings of light, together and individually rare and genuine jewels of creation. Your joy is matched by the angelic choirs. Your pain sends waves of compassion among all the company of heaven. You are precious beyond your imagination. Stand strong, fight the good fight, support each other in these dark days. When one stumbles, lift him up. Despite how weary you feel, you must complete the trek through to the end of this age.
Be encouraged. Stand up, take a deep breath, hold you heads up, and call on the Lord, and all the angels and archangels and all the company of heaven, for the strength to stand another day. Don't give up. Never give up. Some days you will run, other days you will walk or limp or even you might fall or rest, but always carry on, always stay the course. Pray. Open your heart to yourself and each other, honor yourself and each other, stay centered in your being, and stay on the way, and always in prayer.
A strange kind of weariness overcame me. It had seeped into my spirit while I was striving to succeed. I was reaching, stretching, trying to be so many things to so many people, trying to please my boss's petulant attitude, uncertainty, and indecision, even reluctance to lead. I felt I was at a dead end. My boss could not be pleased nor did it seem I had the skills he wanted.
But what did he want? Without that information, I attempted brainstorming ideas for his consideration. I sculpted my writing, my graphic design, my creativity to meet his whims, yet nothing satisfied him. He was cruel, reticent, silent. He expected me to know what he needed without offering a clue.
Slowly, I sank beneath the waves of my own striving. As I took my last breath, I realized something was terribly wrong and if I didn't do something about this, I was either going to be out of a job or so terribly depressed I would not have the inner strength to find another one.
I began to feel a heaviness in my spirit, which I fought. Yet, fighting it seemed to cause it to grow stronger. Things were going from bad to worse until I could barely get out of bed. It felt like it took the entire morning just to make a cup of coffee, pull on a pair of jeans, brush my hair and get to the car. Time seemed to stand still as a pernicious silence crept into my soul. I began to not care about my work, not care about anything. While that worried me, I also didn't have the energy to look for another job, which was long overdue. I felt like I was sinking into a kind of quicksand and couldn't stop gravity's pull on my mind and body.
Then the morning came when, while still in bed and two cats begging me to get up and feed them, I considered whether or not I would go to work that day. "Couldn't I just call in? Isn't a mental health day just as valid as being physically sick?," I thought. I considered the idea while opening the can of cat food. I rolled it over, pro and con, in my head while I made the coffee, while I pulled on a pair of jeans, while I brushed my teeth and headed out to the car. "Yes. I will call in today. I never call in," I attempted to justify my malaise. "There's only one meeting but not until late afternoon, couldn't I just go in for that meeting? That's what I'll do," I thought as I put the coffee cup on top of the car while I fished the car keys out of my purse. "I'm going to take the day off and look for another job," I thought as I started the car and headed into my job in the city.
Traffic was light for a change, allowing the inner dialogue to continue. "I wonder if they'll have that meeting in the afternoon since it has become my boss's style to cancel these meetings and postpone them to the next day or week more often than not. See, I'm at his beck and call, always there, always being pulled and pushed," I thought. I felt so out of resources, out of ideas.
I climbed the staircase to the second floor offices, smiled and greeted the receptionist and slipped back to my office, flipped on the light, fired up the computer, sat down, sipped the now cold coffee, and dove into cyber-mind-space.
I realized in the hard effort to please my boss, he had actually become less decisive and more critical. It had reached a tipping point. My trying had strengthened his weakness, and weakened my strength. I realized I had become so drained by the fight that I was bone dry spiritually. I also realized somewhere along the line I'd stopped the early morning writing, praying and meditation. I had stopped having spiritual breakfast.
Instead, a low vibratory worry had ensued, slowly engulfing my spirit. The distraction had worked. A heavy and dark spirit that was hunting and harassing me had gained on me, until I suddenly realized that while I thought I was still on the spiritual path, I had taken a wrong turn. My boss's demands and criticism which seemed innocuous at first, stirring me to try harder, were slowly turning up the heat. It was now too hot in the kitchen and I was in a state of spiritual inflammation.
Somewhere between the first phone call of the morning and the time the email finally loaded, it hit me. Like a bolt of lightning from heaven, warning of an incoming torrential storm while already in the early winds, I realized I was under spiritual attack, and had been trying desperately to please the devil. I heard in the back of my head, "it can't be done." The bait is the lie that it can be done and the reward would be great if I succeeded. But, the truth is, it can't be done. I started to feel panic.
"Pray," I heard whispering inside my head. "Just stop and pray. Take a moment and pray. Who cares if someone comes into your office while you're praying. Just pray."
And, so I did. I felt my head humming, like a lawn mower in the background. I felt empty, dry, like Jeremiah's field of dry bones. I felt like I had wandered so far away from where I used to be that I might never be able to find my way back. I felt lost.
"Nevermind. Just don't think. Just pray. You know how to do that. Try the Lord's Prayer. That's the most powerful prayer." The words flowed easily from memory, but still without any of their customary emotional inner feeling. They were just words, like saying a prayer out of the Book of Common Prayer, written by someone else several hundred years ago with little real meaning to me today. I remembered there were times in the past when I had prayed the Lord's Prayer out of desperation - different times than these - and the result was miraculous.
So I prayed, and as I prayed, I began to weep until I felt like I would drown in my own tears. Thankfully, no one was there to hear or see my complete failure in composure.
I wept for the refugees in Europe, whose plight is worse than anything anyone could ever have imagined. I realized what they are experiencing is exactly what the Lord warned us would happen in "the last days." (Matthew 24)
Lately, as I watched the news, it dawned on me that what I was witnessing seemed graphically in alignment with these words from Matthew 24,
"Then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains. Let him who is on the housetop not go down to take anything out of his house. And let him who is in the field not go back to get his clothes."
As I saw pregnant Syrian refugees* cradling young children, I remembered,
"But woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing babies in those days! And pray that your flight may not be in winter or on the Sabbath. For then there will be great tribulation, such as has not been since the beginning of the world until this time, no, nor ever shall be."
I considered these might actually be those last days, as much as I didn't want to give in to the religious right's declaration of such dramatic possibilities. I thought about the idiot Trump who was the media's favorite jokester. And then it became so obvious, so terribly obvious. We all are under a dark and terrible spiritual attack. The stakes are about as great as they can be, and I don't dare even say what that is because things could always get worse, even if we can't imagine anything worse, now.
I realized the Lord's Prayer was working. I was less panicky and beginning to see with more clarity. Despite how despondent my thoughts were at that moment, the awareness was important. While it didn't diminish the heaviness I felt, it lent a greater understanding of what we're dealing with. At least the enemy was being identified.
I realized at last that I will try again, today, and most likely everyday. But, never again will I ever attempt anything without prayer. The risk is too great and the dark forces too clever for the gentle and forgiving ones who have been seduced and reprimanded by our insidious media to be tolerant of every imaginable evil, worse than anything ancient Babylon could ever have dreamed up.
The war of the ages is upon us. There can be no doubt now. If we think it's only on the other side of the planet, and not here in our own country, our own city or community or in our own personal lives, we are being duped and remain unprepared, as lamps unlit, sitting like vulnerable prey. Only God can equip us for this battle. Only prayer, and perhaps the Lord's Prayer is best, will cut through enemy lines.
I only share this morning's reflections to give you a wee bit of guidance drawn from my own will to carry on as a servant of the Lord. If I am going through some tribulation, most likely everyone is in some way. Only with God, can we overcome the dark heaviness of the decadent power vacuum engulfing our globe. Only God can give us the vision, the spirit, and the strength to rise up as on eagles' wings and soar above the madness, beyond the drag of the oppressors on our light spirits and into his magnificent wisdom and holy realm of love and light.
Amen
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*On one news cast, the reporter told about a woman who gave birth and then got up and walked 11 miles!
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