This love (for lack of a better word) is an inside job and it only asks for your courage to set sail in your imagination to find it - not out there somewhere - but within the cave, deep underwater, just below your very human, physical heart. God is found through that inner portal, that spiritual gateway. The real stargate is finally discovered at the end of your exhaustion, when you finally put down the sword defending your false self, stewing in a deeply profound sense of separateness. It was a false-life, a mask which you once donned to appease your parents or school tyrants or our society as a whole.
But, it was a false identity generated out of that initial rejection by your parents and other "gods" of your early world. In your own defense, you didn’t know it was a self-defense mechanism to allow you to survive in the beginning. Later, your authentic being railed against it in all kind of life-sabotaging ways that spun you mercilessly all of your life.
You became a slave to those who first instilled the need for you to be other than that beautiful, innocent, loving child of light who you were born to be. Later you became a slave (enabler) to others who resembled the original offenders. If those original offenders taught you to be a slave to their selfishness, then you were taught to be a slave in general. The world hates slaves in its love of pride, greed, power and control, and so it hated you.
The pain grew so intense that it finally broke open the mask's shell, allowing the child to finally step into life. This child, is the christ self born in that moment of awareness. Perhaps in a stable on a cold night, hunted by the power brokers of your life, but it is life, real life and in it is your truth, your potential and eventually, your joy and creativity.
True integrity and integration finally comes when that original self awakens and takes the helm of your life, at the birth of the child. At the revealing of your true courage and light and power, you defeat or foil the plans of all those who had required you to wear the mask of the false self. They run like rats back into the walls of their safe coffins of spiritual paralysis. But, this doesn't come easily. The birth of the real self may be like the birth of your first child. It comes after what seems like ages of spiritual labor. There is no other way into heaven, however.
It comes when you are finally sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. It finally arrives when you tire of the game played and fought among others who also have blindly sought life among the dead, when you surrender. By grace, you are defeated at that useless pursuit and in that moment of agony, as your false self lay writhing and dying on the battlefield of your life, a soft whimper arises from somewhere deep within you, yet you are too lost and forlorn to hear it or to attend to it. Then, a prayer explodes within your hope. In one last final gasp, you cry out to heaven for help.
Now the real journey begins. Blindly you surrender, you offer up your dead self in exchange for peace, for relief of the agony of searching. The false self cannot carry on the fight any longer. Even shame and pride have lost their power and appeal. If you are even dimly aware, perhaps even still a bit blind, you can see, through your tears, an inner ghost, a dim, unfocused someone holding out his hand to you.
Blinking away the tears, maybe you doubt what you just saw within, but someone even deeper within you has seen it and bows before this beautiful presence who has come to welcome you through the gate, through the portal into all that is real, all that ever was and ever will be real. He says to look for the gateway, which he has previewed for you, in that imaginal space behind your heart and slightly below it.
It's a soft place your mind sounds out. You are still blind, yet you see. You realize there is so much more than you ever knew. You gently press against it as it slowly opens like doors on Star Trek's starship Enterprise. As you slip through it into the vast starlight stretching endlessly before you, you feel electric and completely unafraid. Perhaps it's the velvety blanket of quiet into which you submerge yourself that softly wraps you in its love. You know that all our hearts open into this same universe. You know that we are all one with this Oneness.
While you know you must eventually shift your mind back into the outer dimension, the stage on which we all are stars, you will return back to this space within. You make a mental note to come back often. It is the new frontier and a very compelling and real one. You wonder if your parents, grand parents, old lovers and others, are there too, within that sea of consciousness that stretches forever. But, for now His presence is there and that is more than enough.
But, it was a false identity generated out of that initial rejection by your parents and other "gods" of your early world. In your own defense, you didn’t know it was a self-defense mechanism to allow you to survive in the beginning. Later, your authentic being railed against it in all kind of life-sabotaging ways that spun you mercilessly all of your life.
You became a slave to those who first instilled the need for you to be other than that beautiful, innocent, loving child of light who you were born to be. Later you became a slave (enabler) to others who resembled the original offenders. If those original offenders taught you to be a slave to their selfishness, then you were taught to be a slave in general. The world hates slaves in its love of pride, greed, power and control, and so it hated you.
The pain grew so intense that it finally broke open the mask's shell, allowing the child to finally step into life. This child, is the christ self born in that moment of awareness. Perhaps in a stable on a cold night, hunted by the power brokers of your life, but it is life, real life and in it is your truth, your potential and eventually, your joy and creativity.
True integrity and integration finally comes when that original self awakens and takes the helm of your life, at the birth of the child. At the revealing of your true courage and light and power, you defeat or foil the plans of all those who had required you to wear the mask of the false self. They run like rats back into the walls of their safe coffins of spiritual paralysis. But, this doesn't come easily. The birth of the real self may be like the birth of your first child. It comes after what seems like ages of spiritual labor. There is no other way into heaven, however.
It comes when you are finally sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. It finally arrives when you tire of the game played and fought among others who also have blindly sought life among the dead, when you surrender. By grace, you are defeated at that useless pursuit and in that moment of agony, as your false self lay writhing and dying on the battlefield of your life, a soft whimper arises from somewhere deep within you, yet you are too lost and forlorn to hear it or to attend to it. Then, a prayer explodes within your hope. In one last final gasp, you cry out to heaven for help.
Now the real journey begins. Blindly you surrender, you offer up your dead self in exchange for peace, for relief of the agony of searching. The false self cannot carry on the fight any longer. Even shame and pride have lost their power and appeal. If you are even dimly aware, perhaps even still a bit blind, you can see, through your tears, an inner ghost, a dim, unfocused someone holding out his hand to you.
Blinking away the tears, maybe you doubt what you just saw within, but someone even deeper within you has seen it and bows before this beautiful presence who has come to welcome you through the gate, through the portal into all that is real, all that ever was and ever will be real. He says to look for the gateway, which he has previewed for you, in that imaginal space behind your heart and slightly below it.
It's a soft place your mind sounds out. You are still blind, yet you see. You realize there is so much more than you ever knew. You gently press against it as it slowly opens like doors on Star Trek's starship Enterprise. As you slip through it into the vast starlight stretching endlessly before you, you feel electric and completely unafraid. Perhaps it's the velvety blanket of quiet into which you submerge yourself that softly wraps you in its love. You know that all our hearts open into this same universe. You know that we are all one with this Oneness.
While you know you must eventually shift your mind back into the outer dimension, the stage on which we all are stars, you will return back to this space within. You make a mental note to come back often. It is the new frontier and a very compelling and real one. You wonder if your parents, grand parents, old lovers and others, are there too, within that sea of consciousness that stretches forever. But, for now His presence is there and that is more than enough.
The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, 'here it is,' or 'there it is,' because the kingdom of God is within you.
Luke 17:21
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