Ousting the wizard of rejection

What triggers you?  I mean, what in your life, really gets you upset, angry, frustrated, sad or even depressed?  If everything around us is a reflection of what is in us, it may be helpful for us to uncover that inner culprit behind the curtain of our lives, who is controlling us, pulling the strings that move us, making our decisions and leading us to exactly where we are, which may not be where we want to be. In fact, we may be unaware that we have given our power over to that inner wizard and have become its servant.

So, the first step in unmasking that inner wizard, is to look closely at what gets a reaction out of you.

Recently, I had an upsetting experience.  For some, it wouldn't have been a big deal, but for me it was.  I was literally thrown off course and had to do some serious reflection to figure out what it was all about, internally.  Like many of us, I realized I had a "rejection" button.  So, if I got a rejection letter from a job application, it would trigger that rejection button and then I was a mess. 

Fortunately, I was able to catch it right away and realize that's why it stung when I got that letter.  We all deal with rejection in life, all in varying degrees of intensity.  Some are so deeply in bed with rejection they can't take any kind of direction or just a simple complimentary helpful suggestion.  They react and dismiss so loudly that you wonder where they're coming from.  Sadly, for those folks, there's no help because while in denial, the inner wizard rules your mind and your life. 

When you can stop and ask yourself, why something bothered you so much, you are at least on the road to unmasking that inner wizard.  If he is the wizard of rejection - and there are all kinds of wizards -  he most likely came from an early childhood experience that became distorted over time and since he reigned unchecked throughout your life, he gained a lot of power over your life and established  whole scenarios of control.

Now, as you look over your worldly kingdom and see its barren plains, its fruitless trees, dark skies and vanishing species, you can see that YOU didn't cause this because you wouldn't have intentionally caused this.  So, who did?  You get the point. 

The inner rejection wizard did this. And, note this, he is malevolent.  Don't make any mistake about this; he is dark and he is mean and there is no denial about his presence.  Throughout history, all human cultures have recognized him and named him all kinds of different names. He does NOT love you.  He blindly led you to interpret rejection as something you needed and wanted and so you attracted more rejection into your life until your life was a ruin.

So, given that we are magnetic beings, we are attracting to ourselves more of what is already within us vibrating away.  That rejection wizard who is vibrating rejection within you, like a little laser calling more and more rejection into your life is  "in there."  If you can see that's what it is, and you can send it packing, you will be free of its magnetizing effects in your life. 

What if you kindly pulled open the curtain and saw that wizard as small and impotent as he really is, who gets his jollies by running (and ruining) your life? Could you dethrone him somehow? Could you take over control of your life, by realizing that all the rejection you experienced wasn't God's punishment or your duty or the necessary sacrifice you had to make as a parent or spouse, but it was something that you got in the habit of doing to appease that fake inner wizard? And, what if you kicked him out of your kingdom, and turned the reins over to the REAL king, the lover of your soul, your life force, who is no one OTHER than you in union with the giver of all life who moves within your own conscious awareness. That real king loves you and gives to you abundantly, lovingly, generously and wants you to take back your power.


Now, you can stop and ask yourself, "what would you like more of in your life?"  rather than rejection? What if you set up a good witch, an angel?  a loving, compassionate, generous good angel of light?  What would that angel magnetize to you? 

In a previous post I described that rejection wizard as a kind of inner sleeping dragon.  There are all kinds of names for it - like your "inner tyrannical dictator" and others.  But, suffice it to say, that this is an inner energy form that we project outwardly (albeit unconsciously) until we see it for what it is, which is old enabling behavior we learned as young children from alchoholic (or abusive) parents, who taught us to be their enablers, caretakers. Then, we spend our entire lives taking care of other people, adult children, teenage children, perfectly capable spouses, friends, whole congregations, etc. Many have even distorted the Christian scriptures to endorse their unhealthy caretaking/enabling behaviors.  They think God wants a sacrifice and they are more than willing and ready to sacrifice their lives. But the truth is, my friends, it isn't because you really think God wants this, it's because our parents taught us to do this and somewhere deep in our psyche, our parents were our gods.  We still fear them, only we don't know it.

God wants us to be free of any inner control from anyone, any institution, any heirarchy of power, and instead set the sweet angel of love at the center of your soul.  That angel does not enslave us, rather she sets us free to fly to what feels loving, creative, and life-giving, energizing.  Ask yourself the next time you are exhausted from doing too much work, why did you do that to yourself?  Who is your slave master?  And, then be prepared for the answer. 

* Vivien and Merlin by the nineteenth-century French artist Gustave Doré.

A most excellent way

"For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

But when that which is perfect is come,

then that which is in part shall be done away.

When I was a child, I spake as a child,

I understood as a child, I thought as a child:

but when I became a man,

I put away childish things.

For now we see through a glass darkly

but then face to face: now I know in part;

but then shall I know even as also I am known. "  

1 Corinthians 13: 9-12 KJV

I have always loved Paul's love chapter, 1 Corinthians 13, which offers us a glimpse of what divine love is like.  As a prelude, he writes, "and now I will show you a most excellent way,"  and by the end of that chapter, Paul has delivered on his word.

That "most excellent way" is a kind of spiritual praxis that points the way to God, within the person's inner realm, where we encounter a love so beautiful, so alive and ineffable that few have been able to describe it.  Yet, Paul does. While we have learned from prophets and wise people that God's wisdom is His love, the "way" to encounter God hasn't always been clear.  Mysteriously Jesus says that "He" is the way, but it wasn't always clear to me what He meant until I understood Paul's description.


Paul suggests the "most excellent way" is not through strict obedience to the old laws.  Loving your neighbor and giving to the poor, hungry, marginalized, and obeying the laws of the faith and the land, and living your life in dignity and integrity are all good, but not the most excellent way. They are all excellent, and for the most part, they are also very loving, but there is another way, that is even more excellent. 

Earlier in 1 Corthians Paul talks about the wisdom of God being hidden from the scholar and the wise of our world and revealed to the fool, to those who are like children, humble without ego or worldy pretension.  Those of us who are analytical, left-brained techie types, full of Harvard, Yale, Columbia, all running on high speed intellectual prowress, we may find Paul's most excellent way a bit of a challenge. 

God's wisdom is found in the wisdom of the heart, rather than the intelligence of the cerebral cortex, the "brain." The ways of the heart are superior to the ways of the intellect or brains. I think Paul is talking about something even beyond the wisdom of the heart. There is yet another way.

I suspect he is talking about an early Gnostic form of meditating. Meditation is difficult for brainy people because the brain chats on and on endlessly. In order to become utterly silent, we have to tune out the brain's voice to enter the silence and the void through which God's presence moves. Most of us can identify with the effort it takes to turn off that over zealous brain.

If you are familiar with meditation, you are well aware that you look into the inner world behind your eyes, breathing and concentrating.  Typically, you sit there, comfortably breathing, centering and allowing yourself to be silent for the hour.  You don't do anything, rather, you wait.  You wait for God or for God's grace to show up.  You keep your lamp lit through the breathing and you focus and you wait.  There are many stories in Jesus' parables that describe what that waiting is like, which is sufficent evidence that Jesus was also talking about meditation as the way to enter the kingdom of heaven.

If you are sincere in your effort to connect with God and are intentionally meditating, after awhile (decades!) you may (they say) actually see images moving as if behind a shade in your mind.  If you persevere, as the great Yogis, those images become clear as if the shade is lifted, entirely.  So, early in meditation "we see through a glass darkly,"  but when we are mature, seasoned meditators (or masters) we see "face to face."  That is "knowing and being known," Paul suggests. Yogis enter into an abyss of ineffable peace and joy, rich and alive. That experience is what it is to be really alive, they would say, adding they were "dead" before they knew what it was like to be in union (yoga) with the universal life force in meditation.  Some sit in meditation for whole days. 

So, Paul reveals to us what Jesus meant when he said He was the way. That most excellent way is meditation and Christ is met in meditation!!  We also will discover then, that God's realm is one of love, rather than law and judgement.  Now, that was really good news then, and most likely is for us today - to those who care.

The beautiful love chapter describes what that love is like through the eyes of someone who has entered into God's presence and returned to share the experience and its wisdom with us. As Moses came down from the Mountain with the 10 commandments, Paul describes what God's love is like.  It is not given as law, rules to obey and live by, but rather as a sketch of what love is like in the kingdom of heaven.  I suspect this chapter is really a revelation, a reflection of Heaven for fledgling disciples and believers. 

It is especially important because it is a kind of buried treasure in the Christian scriptures that suggest that early Christianity may have been more eastern than we ever really knew.

In this hauntingly beautiful treasure, West meets East, and we can all say "Om, Amen, Namaste" and wait together in the silence, in the dark, together breathing as ONE people, waiting for the light to dawn and the fog to rise. Then all together, regardless of religion or culture, we will all meet face to face, known and knowing each other, moving together in the love, immersed in the presence of God. 

Heaven is an inside job

"By standing firm, you will gain life."

Luke 21:19

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"

Romans 8:31

"I am convinced that neither death nor life,

neither angels nor demons,

neither the present nor the future,

nor any powers,

neither height nor depth,

nor anything else in all creation,

will be able to separate us

from the love of God

that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8: 38-39

"Peace I leave with you;

my peace I give you.

I do not give to you as the world gives.

Do not let your hearts be troubled

and do not be afraid."

John 14:27

There will be peace in our homes, streets, neighborhoods, countries and world when there is peace in our hearts.  The last battle is always fought in the human heart and mind. It is there where Martin Luther said the battle between heaven and hell was ultimately fought. The archetypal battle is the struggle between truth and falsehood, between the mortal human ego and the immortal divine human spirit. The world is simply the playground (or battleground) for the human heart.  It is Shakepeare's stage.  If there is ever going to be peace here, it has to begin inside your mind. 

The scripture from the Gospel of John, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you."  John 14:27 is my greatest hope for the world and my greatest joy.  It lives, seated on the throne of my heart, filling me with pure life and light.  That peace comes in the wake of the storm between the ego and the deeper, indwelling spirit.  It is the victory song of the soul.  It is the gift, the prize, won after we have finally let go of all our efforts to control, manipulate, cry, whine and self pity, play the victim and all the many other things we humans do to attempt to win at the game of life.  Like spoiled children, we throw temper tantrums, which tragically leads to and includes throwing bombs at each other.

I have come to realize that by trying, we lose.  By letting go, surrendering to God, and opting out of the game entirely, we win.  And, what we win, in the end, is peace.  This peace is not a cease fire.  It is not a truce.  It is not simply the absence, the void, the silence, after the weapons have all stopped firing, or the shouting stops, or the gang members go home to sleep off the drugs.  It is not passive, this peace.  It is dynamic, creative, powerful, alive with joy, with song, perhaps dancing.  It is the birds singing in the rain, the greening of the Earth after the dry summer heat has turned cooler and wetter.  It is the rebirth of the spirit in the dry desert of the dead man spiritually, like Jeremiah's dry bones. 

As we humans have always sought peace, we have also sought war.  We are a terribly scary being.  If I were a visitor from another planetary system, I would be terrified of us.  I would get back in my space craft and beam back home.  We are frightened, we are cunning, we are devious, we are weak.  Yet, we have within us the garden of Eden, the paradise of heaven, Nirvana.  We have so much potential and power of creation, yet we stalk this planet, killing each other in wars, raping women and young girls in central Africa, exploiting the weak and poor and exploit the Earth itself.  WHY? 

Oh, man, you already know the answer.  We do these terrible things because we are afraid.  We have lost our way home to heaven within us, and tremble at the fear of another winter without food, or somewhere in our collective memory we remember - depending in which ethnic origin your family tree is rooted - some kind of terror, buried in our genetic memory somewhere, that whispers through our DNA to be careful, to be watchful, someone is going to storm our home in the night, rip us out of bed, beat and torture us, lead us off to death camps.  The history of the human race is worse than a horror story.  It is THE ultimate horror story. 

And, yet, our Lord promises to give us His peace, heaven's peace.

And, year after year, every Christmas we pray for His peace.  We welcome Him into our hearts and homes and again commit ourselves to living lives of peace. And, year, after year, we fail again and again and again.  Then, we wholesale give up and await the Second Coming, as if maybe the next time around we'll get the message.

I am not going to say that there is no malevolent non creative force out there that can and does deceive and control us.  We all know there is.  No progressive person, despite how "liberal" he or she may be, can say there is no "satan" or evil empire (which is NOT the USA, but which may coexist in any free society). 

We are all challenged to make a choice and live in conscious awareness, choosing between God and materiality. We all have a choice every moment of our lives between God and the sights, sounds and temptations of this material world in which we all live.  Which gets top billing in your mind, in your heart, in your life?  Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism and others, about which I'm not as well informed, all state unequivocally to honor God first, before all things.  Jesus says you cannot worship both.  You cannot worship God and this material reality, this third dimension lowest of all conscious forms of matter (how's that for new age metaphysicalese?) 

It's true and it's always been true, we've just always framed it in different language.  The bottom line is always the same.  God must come first and then goodness flows into our lives like an abundant river of peace.  Maybe some think that that abundant river of peace might just bring you wealth, I do not think that.  I don't think God negotiates in our currency.  Peace, in my book, is the greatest gift we can ever receive.  Joy, love, holy wisdom and abundant and eternal life are all I live for. 

When you simply choose to put God first, love God, even if you don't even really know what you're choosing or loving, but if you know at least that God is love and God is creator, giver and lover of life, and you choose to love, that's a real good first step.  You will have taken a quantum leap away from the malevolent power paradigm of the world, away from those "demons " Paul talks about in Romans.  You take a stand, a firm stand, and you WILL find your (real) life because you will have turned away from what is not real, not eternal and obviously not life-giving, nor peace-making/keeping. 

My prayer for our world this morning, as Palestine and Israel sit down together as brothers to embrace each other as human brothers and sisters, honoring the dignity of each, is that they both look into their sacred writings and into their hearts from where those writings first came and out of which were carved, and make that firm stand.  Both believe in the SAME GOD, for heaven's sake.  I know they can do this.  I know we can all do this.  No one ever said it was easy, but do we have a choice, anymore? 

Eternal as the Sky

Your love, oh Lord, is so deep and wide and beautiful. It is like an endless ocean, a vast, unending sky. Your love is as alive, as vibrant as the sun and as mysterious and unknowable as the dark side of the moon. It is the source of our joy, the center of our being, the essence of our lives. You are all that is real. 

Yet, as I set my course to meet you, to encounter you, to embrace you, it seems I find another challenge, another mountain, another raging river yet to cross, baring me from the path to you. Those barriers, those ego traps, feel insurmountable sometimes.

As I reach within myself for the ability to not be tripped up by yet another unkind word or brisk dismissal, I realize the depth of hurt from an ancient wound. Today, I choose to stand strong against the stormy winds gushing from that ancient wound, now awakened, as an ancient dragon who slept contentedly within me, until a brief encounter awakened it, fueling its fiery temper, seething in its attack.

It is not just the dragon’s judgmental tail that flails against my sensitivities, it is the awakening of a long buried memory that while asleep held no conscious power over me, yet also while asleep it governed through the subconscious.

It is my own wiser awareness now that stands in determination and vigilance, aware of the dragon's conduct and control, yet remaining firmly unmoved, undeterred.

The truth is that we are neither failures nor successes. Our authentic essential nature is beyond any description. Our lives are beyond the measure of anything within our realm of estimation. We are all of immeasurable wealth, because we are made of You, our most glorious, most mysterious creator. We are made of You. And, You are beautiful, gentle, loving, giving us our being, clearing toxins from old wounds. I know that without this newest encounter with egoic pain, the old wound would have remained unhealed and, like a leaking faucet, would drip its poison into my soul with lies from a thought seeded years ago.

We are all striving toward You, dear loving, merciful God, stumbling along, blindly and unaware in this great night.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, or the days and weeks ahead. I know that this uninvited guest is sweet in the sense that it has taught me to hope and wait in faith as the ancient dragon disappears, leaving more space for You in my heart.

As I remain vigilant, not giving in to it, not believing its lies, not succumbing to its attempt to control and condemn, as I, and we, forbid our light and joy to be dimmed or thwarted by its cruelty, we will overcome. Then, we will see we have climbed yet another mountain, removed another barrier to You, our most loving God. That is my prayer and my hope for all of us, we weary travelers who journey on despite weather, terrain, wealthy or poverty or the opinion of others. There is only one destination in life, and it is to You, only You.

It is our most intentional desire to come to you, to enter into your vast ocean of being, of presence, and encounter You. It is in You that we find our meaning and our being. While we may have only met you fleetingly, we know there is nothing in this dim existence that compares to you. Some of us may have experienced fine traces of your remote presence, and that fine floss of heaven’s fabric is strong enough, fragrant enough to call to us over these many miles and worlds away.

Even in this dark basement of sub-reality, I sense you. Your wise prophets have left remnants of you in their words and writings, like torn shards of an old shirt. I believe them and so I believe in you. For today, that is enough. It is enough to know that You are You and You are there.

I surrender all my dreams and fears into your great abyss of love and endless Being.

I surrender all the lies of that impotent dragon within me. I know he is a liar. From this day and forever, the vigilant one stands at the helm of my seaworthy vessel. This captain of my soul is wise, having sailed these seas these many years. He can see the rock walls, the sunken piers, the long lost wreckage of ancient travels. He knows the waters, winds and holds in his right hand the map of these high seas.

This boat is made of sturdy stuff and while it may hit a sunken barge, You, my God, are able to sustain the ship as he steers around and through another safer waterway. There is no advantage in weeping and suffering damage. There are other ways through this shallow water. Open those ways, Oh Lord, open the waterways, to allow my ship, and all our small ships, to sail safely into the deeper, clear waters of peace and there, in the midst of the sea, where no shore is seen, to find you are there. Into your harbor, my God, I steer my boat, we steer our boats. I know you are in the winds that carry me there, safely, over the dark, unknown waters.

I know you are there. Even if I don't see you, yet, I know you are there.

Amen.